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Pasty makers browned-off

Our sleuth, who works for a firm of contract cleaners, has now got micro-sized tape recorders in pretty well all the places where government ministers are likely to meet. We will not reveal how this is done as it is so absurdly easy. They are checked regularly and although most of what they pick up is crushingly boring, once in a while a real gem turns up, like this little conversation here.

– Sit down, Gentlemen, we don’t have much time. I have to see a deputation from the Consolidated Consortium of Cornish Pasty Provisioners in 15 minutes. They’re in a crusty mood and threatening a bun fight if we don’t come up with an answer.

– In just a few days we have had a crisis with Pensions, Planning, Petrol and now, for goodness sake, Pasties. What will be the next P?

– Protests?

– George you’ve really cooked our goose on this one. I’ve had more than a baker’s dozen of calls and emails pointing out the absurdity of this pasty tax. I gather these pesky pasties are cooked until they’re Gordon Brown on the outside …

– You mean golden brown,

– George, couldn’t you have seen this coming?

– How was I to know these pasties were the nation’s bread and butter?

– Just look at the definition of this hot food tax – “heated for the purposes of enabling it to be consumed at a temperature above the ambient air temperature and which is above that temperature when purchased.” It’s a recipe for disaster!

– This is pressure we don’t want. Our poll rating has plummeted like a lead balloon. Labour are on a roll.

– Crumbs, we really are in hot water.

– This isn’t pie in the sky it’s the worst thing since sliced bread.

– I think we will find it’s much a-dough about muffin.

– Come on, this is too serious for funny comments. A few more of this flops and we’ll be stuffed ourselves.