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Buffalo Bill Cable rides to rescue

Something for the weekend, from our Dodgy Dossier…

A herd of big banks have been rampaging through the country destroying valuable cash crops and eating their way through taxpayer’s bailouts. Big game hunters, lead by the famous Buffalo Bill Cable, have gathered to root out malpractice and skin bonuses to the knuckle.

“We shall make sure these beasts are tamed and that they never again threaten our financial system,” said Buffalo. “We have the culprits in our sights and shall either capture them alive or force them out of the country.”

Big game hunters take aim at the wrong beasts

This is good news for the real predators of society. During the crisis these beasts have kept a low profile or gone into hiding until the storm blows over and they can carry on destroying the fabric of society.

These rarely seen behemoths get rich in their sleep. They know they simply have to wait for prey to fall into their trap, and so end up paying off mortgage debt for the rest of their lives. They know that every £ raised from taxation and spent on public infrastructure increases the value of land and enables private owners to reap unearned income through higher prices and rents.

One landowner, who wished to remain anonymous, told us that it was a perfect system to be wealthy without having to work. Key to their success is their stalking abilities and sense of smell. They can catch the scent of a ripe development – often years ahead of any movement in the market. When the time is right – particularly during the boom years of the 18-year cycle – they make a killing.

Our source said, “The supply of land is fixed and the population is growing rapidly. So we are in a perfect monopoly position. We simply keep quiet and let the value of land grow ever higher.

“Our speciality is speculation. We buy low and sell high. You could say we reap where others toil but it is the way it has been for centuries and we see no reason to come out of hiding and expose ourselves to some dreadful land value tax that would return to the community the value in land created by the community. It is much better we keep control of land and let the population think they will get rich on the property ladder. Booms and busts come and go, but we control the source of all wealth no matter what happens to the economy.”

Looks as if Buffalo’s efforts will be exposed as bluff and bluster, and simply end up as a circus that provides short-term amusement but no long-term remedy.