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The Chancellor’s Prayer Meeting

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It is a closely guarded secret that immediately before the Chancellor leaves 11 Downing Street for the traditional photo shoot with the red box, the House of Commons chaplain holds a short service in an upper room. Disguised as a window cleaner, our sleuth was able to overhear what was said and sent us this transcript.

Let us pay.

Let us pay our taxes.

It is our bounden duty to pay our duty. On spirits, beer, petrol and all manner of things that will provide revenue.

Let us burden the rich with taxes in the highest bracket and keep the poor dependent on State handouts. The people will come unto me and say, “Where are the multitude of benefits promised to our forefathers? How shall we live on income support and tax credits alone?”

For it is written: Go forth and multiply to produce the next generation of taxpayers. For without them there will be no pensions for the baby boomers.

Therefore I will tax the high and the mighty. I will demand the last mite from widows and orphans. Even the elderly shall pay until death. And beyond – even unto their inheritance. For it is written in the Book of the Budget that all shall pay whatsoever they hast – yea, down to the last penny.

For I am a zealous Chancellor and ye are taxpayers and sojourners with me. All will pay Stamp Duty, but they that dwell in the valley of the Thames shall pay abundantly.

Give and Take

I say unto thee: Any rebates I give with the right hand I will surely take back 4-fold with the left. For the tax levied on our nation shall be distributed amongst bureaucrats, quangos and spin doctors.

Only the evildoers will prosper from their illegal activities, fraud, drug dealing, non-dom status and off shore accounts. For where is he who will overturn the tables of the money launderers and make them clean? I say unto the wrongdoers “Pay your taxes or you will surely enter the Prison of Purgatory”. Unless ye claim unfairly for a second home or be a Lord living in a foreign land.

It is written that until the Promised Land Value Tax is acknowledged, all generations shall be punished with taxes levied upon wages, production, exchange and profit.

Raise ye the tax.